Avatar Impressions: seven minutes of heaven

So, the climactic highlight of day two of Empire magazine’s Movie-con was seven all too brief minutes of James Cameron’s Avatar, a piece of film history in the making I have dreamed of seeing for years. This was a portion, or little under half, of what was shown at Comic-con. Bit of a bummer, but I guess beggars can’t be choosers, and considering “Avatar day” and the reveal of the full bevy of footage, is some mere four days away, beggars can’t be impatient little whiners either.

So what the hell did we see, and does it as promised, beckon a new dawn of cinema into our lives? Needless to say, spoilers (of sorts - for purists anyway) follow. The clips were introduced by Cameron himself (oncsreen), but we couldn't hear what he was saying for the blood pounding in our ears..

The first clip shown is a military briefing. Pure Cameron, he’s made a movie with marines – first good sign. These weren't the ruffnecks of Aliens though, all told they looked like quite a clean cut, nerdy bunch, nary a tatoo or disdainful sneer in sight - a crack team of librarians. The 3D is fairly immersive, bearing in mind this wasn’t even on an IMAX screen, good depth to everything and all is nice and sharp with no blurry overlap like I’ve seen in other 3D films. Is this just because I’m sitting directly in the centre of the row, or to do with the strangely heavy, 3D glasses I’m wearing? Who knows. These suckers were not the usual run of the mill glasses that get dished out at RealD movies though, boasting an IR sensor on the front that I've since learned allowed each lens to react to the light from the screen, darkening or brightening, ensuring the correct image is shown to the correct eye. The company that makes them are here if you're interested - Cameron approved 3D Tech.

But I digress, so we’re in the military briefing as Sam Worthington rolls in to the back of the crowd in his wheelchair. The scarred chief of security Stephen Lang is barking at the new recruits, a nasty looking four finger/claw rake across his head – definitely a beastie injury – explaining how outside, on Pandora, everything they encounter will try to kill them. “You may want to consider a trip to hell for some R&R after a tour on Pandora.” Oh dear. He explains his job is to keep them alive, but he quickly manages their expectations with the comforting rider that he won’t be successful with everybody. Oh very dear.

Cut to the action. We’re in a jungle. A lush, luminous alien jungle, and a massive rhino creature with a hammerhead shark appendage is roaring and smashing the vegetation up. Worthington’s avatar is the focus of it’s attention – a blue skinned, feline faced creature. This is what it’s all been about, in the moments when we see the avatar closely, I really wasn’t sure what I was looking at. It’s clearly CG, but with an incredible detail and texture to it. The skin on it’s face somehow looked more skin like than the regular CG effort. It’s face contorts and twists with fear and doubt as the Rhino thing continues it’s rampage. Others are nearby, Sigourney Weaver’s avatar is offering advice, explaining that he mustn’t shoot the angry creature, or run away. "what should I do, dance with it?". More of them are watching in terror, each unique, one with strangely expressive eyes set far apart on its face. The rhino thing gets really feisty, so Worthington does too, charging right back at the massive beast, waving his blue arms. It works, the creature is freaked, it stops its charge and displays itself like a peacock with frilly neck flaps and a big roar. Looks very cool. Worthington is encouraged, but we see behind him another threat has emerged, a shiny black, panther like creature, with a predator-like, flapping toothy face, and probably bad breath. The rhino clocks it, and turns tail. Worthington thinks it’s reacting to him – “That’s right, bitch!” he hollers imaginatively. Of course, the panther makes itself known, leaping over Worthington to see off the rhino, who has run back to it’s pack – yes there are several of them off through the undergrowth, before turning it’s attention back to Worthington. It’s sleek and muscular, black and smooth, like a cougar from some heavy metal nightmare. He asks of Sigourney, should he run from this one? The answer is equivocal; yes, run! He runs.

Cue a breathless and thrilling chase through the undergrowth which blurs by, all the while the sinewy black panther-thing snapping at his heels. It is fast and powerful, and very convincing in it’s movements, as is Worthington’s avatar, who leaps and pegs it through the forest, stumbling blindly to get away. He takes refuge under the roots of a large tree, the creature smashes and snaps at them, splinters and debris flying everywhere. Worthington finally tries to shoot the thing, his gun emitting meaty old school gunfire with nice tracer fire. No pew pew lasers here. It’s all to no avail though, as the creature fluidly whips it’s head into the burrow, snatches the gun right out of his hands. Oh bums. He makes a break for it, but the thing is on him in an instant, as he falls to the ground towards the lens, the thing is leaping in a glorious slow mo onto him, slathering jaws open wide – and the footage ends. We all start shouting. That was never seven minutes! Apparently it was.

So they show it again! - much to my delight, but sadly no additional footage was forthcoming, damn them. The whole thing was very impressive, but too damn short to really get a bead on. The CG was without a doubt, extraordinary – detailed and with realism not seen before, and we emerged unsure as to how much of the rain forest was also CG – probably all of it on reflection. I emerged itching to see the Avatar itself again in closeup, as the few brief still shots of their unusual faces had been the highlight – the emotion mo-cap was amazing in the brief snatches we saw of it, with extremely realistic expressions that differed totally from something like say, Beowulf, in that it didn’t really look animated. Hard to pinpoint how that was happening to be honest, could it be Cameron really has broken some kind of uncanny valley barrier by blending the mocap with 3D? The clip also raised a few plot questions. Like, my understanding was that the avatar's were necessary because humans couldn't set foot on Pandora, on account of it being so hostile. But why then are some of the wet eared recruits in the briefing going to die? Surely if your avatar gets eaten, you just pop out of your control pod, and fire up a new one? Or is it a Matrix dealie situation, where the body cannot live without the mind? Or do only a select few get to use the avatars, while everyone else has to take their chances in the jungle? Curiouser and curiouser..

Anyway, Avatar day is fast approaching, so we’ll soon get to see the full 14 minutes of footage, on the IMAX screen, just as God, sorry, Cameron intended. Stay tuned for a blow by blow write up on that badboy too, or better yet, get yourself to a screening for a glimpse of the future of cinema so we can compare notes.

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Empire Movie Con: Day 2 Roundup

Well that’s that then. The movie con is done and dusted having completed a second day of fabulous movie related morsels. A big thank you to the Empire crew for laying on such a great weekend and for all the goodies and pressies – (a George Lucas in Stormtrooper disguise action figure for everyone? You guy’s rule!!). We saw more trailers, more footage, more stars and more movies. A screening of the terrific Adventureland proudly topped off the morning, while a very hard quiz dominated the early afternoon. Before and after those events though, day two went like this..

Iron Man 2

We started with a bang with a short but sweet look at Iron Man 2 introduced by the president of Marvel comics, and another appearance from the man himself, Robert Downey Jr, who was only slightly less animated than yesterday after no doubt partying all night with supermodels as is no doubt such a megastar’s wont to do.

We see Tony Stark enjoying some breakfast in suit, but sans helmet, reclining in the hole of a giant donut above a café – “Sir - I'm gonna have to ask you to exit the Donut” shouts Samuel L Jackson – oh yes; Nick Fury. We move to their chat inside – says Stark, “just so I’m clear, should I look at the eyepatch, or your eye?”.

We move to a courtroom, Stark is very publicly duelling with a board of US Senator’s who are demanding he hand over his weapon to the US government, which he flatly refuses in no uncertain terms, denying his device can be accurately described as a weapon, no, it’s a hi-tech prosthesis. His attitude causes uproarious laughter from the onlooking public and reduces the Senator (Gary Shandling) to shouting obscenities. Very funny.

Next up, Don Cheadle (oh silly Terrence Howard) is buying futuristic guns in an aircraft hangar from Sam Rockwell. “I’ll take them. Which one? All of them.” Durr. Cut to a very large Iron man destroying everything in several directions at once. Sweet.

We also see the leaked teaser trailer you may have recently glimpsed, its still hanging around somewhere, but nowhere safe enough to link to. In it we see Iron man actually in action, swooping down on a city-scape, all while dodging fire and incoming rockets. Again, sweeet. We also see Mickey Rourke hammering together his own arc power source, and laughing maniacally whilst approaching a prostrate Stark with double electric whips a-crackin’! What’s going on here then? Tony seems to be wearing a leather biker suit with Stark on it? Has Rourke gate crashed a race? Who knows, but it looked awesome.

The Hurt Locker

Kathryn Bigelow & Mark Boal show up to talk us though the Hurt Locker, which follows a bomb disposal team on their dangerous day job in the Iraqi conflict. We see a good chunk of footage as a massive car bomb is discovered in a busy area. Tension runs high as Jeremy Renner tries to figure out how it’s wired as the rest of the team cover him. It’s tense enough just watching the bomb disposal side of things, he sheds his heavy protective gear early on – “There’s enough explosive to blow us all to Jesus – if I’m gonna die, I wanna die comfortable” - but the whole site is a massive open space, and as the guys scan the buildings and keep spotting more and more apparent civilians watching the scene, filming the events unfold on camcorders, and watching them get more and more twitchy, there was a crushing sense of impending tragedy as you knew they were going to start killing people. Not this time luckily, as the bomb is defused, and no one starts shooting the townsfolk. You get the feeling things don’t always go so well in the Hurt Locker, so named after the slang for precisely when things do go wrong.

Bigelow and Boal took some questions on the film, Boal himself wrote the script after spending time with a real such unit in Iraq, giving a uniquely authentic edge to the whole thing which really came across. The film looks great, but it was a pretty heavy subject for a Sunday afternoon, so we were all quite relieved to move onto some more trailers.

Odds n Sods 2

More bits n bobs from various companies, some I’d seen before some not. There was the trailer for The Road which still looks great, but where's the new footage? Next, a cryptic trailer for Paranormal Activity, the new Blair Witch projectalike, where a couple film the spooky happenings in their house – the trailer was mostly comprised of quotes telling how scary the film is – I guess it’s not one you can show a lot of footage for, but what was there looked promising. There was a trailer for Pandorum (yawn) and also Richard Kelly's latest, The Box which looked great – a creepy and disfigured Frank Langella presents Cameron Diaz with a mysterious box with a button inside – press it, and somewhere in the world, someone you don’t know will die. You also get a big suitcase of money. Hrmm, intriguing no? It looked to have a definite whiff of The Game about it, all conspiracy and distrust and shady goings on; definitely sign me up.

There was also a bizarre excerpt from upcoming Miyazaki treat Ponyo. I could describe it for you, but honestly, it was pretty bonkers. Tiny fishy people things were involved, and many actual fish turned golden and then into waves, while the head fishy person thing turned into a proper little person and ran along the sea to the astonishment of a local warship. Ment-Al. But typically gorgeous.

Oh yes, there was also Kate Beckinsale in White out which was a little too dull for me to recall much about. Sorry about that. She was in the shower at one point, I remember that much. We also got a nice clip from Exam presented by director Stuart Hazeldine, who spoke very frankly about his experiences as a script Doctor in the Hollywood studio system - apparently, it sucks. The film looks okay, but the footage wasn't giving much away. How much drama can you really wring out of 8 people locked in a room? Probably loads..

Bunny and the Bull also looked great - from the madmen who brought us Garth Merengies dark place and the Mighty Boosh, this is a road trip movie set in an agoraphobic's flat. Unashamedly Gondry-esque, this has some very funny people in it, and the clips we saw certainly were certainly full of visual flair, if not belly laughs.

Twilight – New Moon returned to the joy of the 6 people who wanted more. This time we see one of the girls (which one? Honestly no idea) running about an Italian city in the midst of a religious festival (everyone spookily wearing red monk robes) just in time (maybe, as the clip teasingly ended) to reach Robert Pattinson who looks to be attempting to commit suicide by sunlight? More hilarity from the Twilight team – Pattinson did, of course, remove his shirt as he was about to step out of the doorway. Those guys, they know how to get the laughs I’ll give ‘em that.

The Thiiird Dimensiooonn

A big portion of the afternoon was all in glorious 3D by way of some very chunky 3D glasses – mostly Disney flicks, and some little known sci-fi movie no one had heard of. Ahem.

There was a very sizeable reel of footage from A Christmas Carol, the Dickensian tale being given a Zemeckesian makeover a la Polar Express. Jim Carrey looks amazing, but not at all like Jim Carrey, as Ebeneezer Scrooge – we see him humbugging a very Colin Firthesque version of Colin Firth, and being terrorised by the ghost of his former partner. Very impressive CG and 3D, this looked really tasty.

There were trailers for Alice in Wonderland, and Toystory 3, both available on the net, nothing new here, but they were in 3D too and looked great for it. Which isn't quite strong enough to convey how hot the Tron Legacy trailer looked in 3D and on the big screen. Liquid neon sliding across my eyes looked good enough to eat. Bring me Tron!!

We also got a nice excerpt from UP! which still looks just gorgeous, and made me want to see it all the more – here the old man and boy were escaping from a pack of vicious dogs in a cave up a mountain aided by their talking dog and a big bird. Naturally. Dammit why isn’t this out in the UK yet?! Do want.

Then of course, we moved onto other things, which I think deserve to be mentioned in their own post. Which will be up shortly. Oh my yes.

And so that was that, all in all another awesome day, shame it’s all over now. Did I even mention the screening of Wonderland and the film quiz? No? Well, Wonderland was great, another review to write, while the quiz I could have done without tbh, there wasn’t even a picture round.. what the hell, we were in a cinema?! Still, many people won some fabulous prizes. Not me though, I er, lost my pen.

That aside though, props to the Empire crew for an awesome weekend, we saw some amazing stuff and now I’m nicely clued up on what looks good for the next few months. Also that I want to see District 9 again very soon, and need to blow off work for the next 3 months and get in line at an Imax cinema.

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Empire Movie Con: Day 1 Roundup

Just got back from a fantastic day on the south bank at Empire’s Moviecon II which I was lucky enough to attend (thanks Bro!). The lineup was pretty sketchy until the very last moment, but they came good and delivered some corking material. A plethora of new footage and trailers, and a super secret screening of (yes!) District 9! (review to follow!). But for now, here’s a brief roundup of what went down..

The Imaginarium of Dr Parnassus

Terry Gilliam showed up to talk to us about The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus, and much against his personal wishes, showed us some clips – Lily Cole smoking fags and flirting with her boyfriend on the back of the Parnassus carnival caravan as it trolls through town, a bemasked Heath Ledger enticing the bemused shoppers of what looked like Covent Garden to enter his Imaginarium, and a stunning long shot of the vast elephantine temple glimpsed in the trailer. Gilliam is hilarious as ever - when asked by an earnest young audience member of his recommendations on how to get into the film industry, his reply came back; the problem is there are too many movies, if I have to scrape and beg to get money out of a studio, why should you be successful?

Kickass is appropriately named

Some awesome, awesome footage from Kickass - the movie of the ultra violent comic book. A super-suited and winged idiot leaps off a sky scraper to his abrupt and sticky death, followed by some witty banter between Aaron Johnson and his pals discussing why, with all the comic book fans in the world no one has ever actually tried dressing up and fighting crime. Next up, Nicholas Cage hilariously training the tiny Chloe Moretz by shooting her in the chest – Good call baby doll! Then to a fairly disturbing/funny sequence where Johnson takes on some local thugs in his green jumpsuit, which ends with horribly realistic results. And finally an extended sequence where the maniac midget Hit Girl saves Johnson from a sticky situation with some hardass gangstas by butchering everyone in the room along with the most explicit language you’ll ever hear from a 12 year old. Christopher Mintz-Plasse and Jason Flemyng turned up to talk about the experience and their favourite superheroes – for the record, Red mist (Mintz Plasses character) and Wolverine! All of the footage looked amazing - this is going to be huuge!

Sherlock Holmes - meh. Oh wait there's RDJ, woo I love Sherlock Holmes!!

We saw a smidgeon of new footage – an extended trailer that didn’t add much to my anticipation for this one. But we all had to go berserk when Robert Downey Jr and Guy Ritchie unexpectedly swanned in, RDJ in particular soaking up the admiration with unbridled glee. Ok, maybe I’m a little excited for this one after all. Damn celebrities.

Twilight - New moon: A comedy

Twilight fans rejoice, although I’m not sure there were any in the house – we saw some unintentionally hilarious footage which got a big laugh – probably not the reaction the film makers were looking for – as Taylor Lautner whipped off his shirt to tend to a hurt Ashley Greene to reveal his perfectly chiseled six pack. Fucking funny.

Harry Brown - Michael Caine is mad as hell..

Some superb footage of this thriller starring Sir Michael Caine – an old London geezer who has had enough of the local scumbags and decides to go all Charles Bronson on them. We started with an impressive sequence filmed on a mobile phone where the thugs initiate a new member and inadvertently murder a woman from the back of their bike, before getting crushed by a truck. Disturbingly authentic.

Then, there followed a nice long sequence where Harry tries to buy a gun from two of the creepiest criminals in London – an amazing performance from Sean Harris, who appeared on stage with the supremely eloquent director Daniel Barber. This was a pretty hardcore scene – Harris is scarred and tattooed and fairly out of his mind, unconscious crack whore sprawled on the sofa, a rainforest of weed in the next room – he is a bundle of drug induced nerves and you want to scratch yourself just watching him. Needless to say, Harry Brown doesn’t let ‘em off easy, and finally delivers a tasty monologue to the bullet riddled Harris.

Odds n' Sods

There was more besides, too much for me to recall at such an hour. Trailers and clips from Astroboy (disappointingly bland- and the clips just kept on coming!) British horror flick Triangle (out of contextually impenetrable) the new Nightmare on Elmstreet (promisingly creepy), Jonah Hex (that face looks a bit sore) Taking Woodstock (muddy) and Sorority Row (balls). Cirque de Freak looked very silly with some bizarre casting of John C Reilly as the vampire, while Saw VI wasted everyones time and Daybreakers looked great - imagine a world where everyone is a vampire, and the human minority are farmed for blood! Equilibrium meets vampires indeed.

There was also some extended footage of the Lovely Bones introduced by Peter Jackson (by recorded video sadly), which continues to look hauntingly gorgeous, as does Spike Jonze's dreamlike Where the Wild things are, in which the massive furry creatures romped about the place building a fantastical castle. Amazing.

Altogether, an awesome day of movies and freebies and swag. District 9 made the day – such a buzz when the words “Peter Jackson Presents” appeared onscreen and the crowd went wild. And we have a whole day 2 to look forward to, in which Avatar footage is confirmed. Woo! Expect a full report here soon!

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Review: GI Joe: The rise of the Cobra

Chances are, your hopes for a great cinema experience walking into GI Joe will be pretty low. You’d have to be bizarrely optimistic or ludicrously deluded to expect anything other than 90 minutes of absurd whizz-bangery of an extended toy advert. Which is precisely what you get, and as such it feels a little unfair to review this as a “film”. True it meets many of the criteria; actors, a script (of sorts) and presumably it took a fair bit of work to make all those pixels move about in the way they did. But GI Joe is so lacking in anything resembling coherence or characters, that “film” really is generous. No this is a toy advert. The most banal and violent toy advert you’ll ever see. And it's a blast.

For no reason at all, we open in a 17th century French castle, where a naughty Scot is being put in a red hot metal mask for selling arms to the both warring sides. The naughty Scot is the forbear of the possibly even naughtier Scot and former Dr Who, Christopher Eccleston, who could formerly boast an unblemished record for securing discerning thespianic choices. Skip to the "near future" and the naughty Mcullen is yet to be identified as naughty and is somehow selling devastating nano-warheads to Nato, capable of eating their way through cities, reducing them to piles of green dust. Everyone acts surprised when the these are intercepted on delivery by a futuristic flying saucer of destruction, apparently helmed by a sassy brunette in tight leather trousers. Sienna Miller is of course the ex girlfriend of the grunt-with-a-heart in charge of the mission to protect the warheads, Channing Tatum - Duke, along with his best bud who just wants to be a pilot, Marlon Wayans. Just when all seems lost and the seductively deadly Miller is making off with the shiny green nerf rockets of death, out of the sky drops GI Joe, hurrah. No longer a mere American action figure, Joe has expanded into a multi national team of meatheads and skill archetypes, who quickly chase off those nasty evil and well funded but certainly not working for Eccleston types. There’s the beefy English black guy – Mr Eko himself Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, who likes big guns and has large arms. There’s a sassy red head in Rachel Nichols who likes crossbows and maths, and there’s the mute ninja Snake eyes, played by several stuntmen probably. Also knocking about is a Moroccan Lost extra who of course likes gadgets. Sadly they don’t really have a dashing all American front man, so they quickly agree to take Duke on board the most secretive and hi tech military outfit in the world because well, he asked. Might as well let Wayans in for good measure. Before you can say, “hang on”, we’re under the pyramids looking at an unfeasibly hi tech HQ where the newbies get trained to perfection in 2 hours, which is surprisingly easily infiltrated by Miller and even more nasty anti heroes, including a very unpleasant Arnold Vosloo, master of disguise, who whistles a distinctive tune (keep an eye on him, I have a feeling that might be important later) and the deadly but confusingly white wearing Japanese killer Byung Hun Lee. Before you can say “no really, give me a sec..” we're tearing through the streets of Paris in the accelerator suits (what do they accelerate? YOU stupid) smashing stuff up and trying to prevent the Eiffel tower from being eaten by nanites. They don’t. But they do smash lots of stuff up, with infectiously silly gusto.

I could describe the “plot” blow by blow, but it’s tiring me out just thinking about it. There is no downtime in this film, because there’s simply a void surrounding the action. Its like dead air on a radio station, when the action turns off, there is nothing to see, the characters are ciphers, the dialogue risible at best. The solution? Don’t turn the action off! So where there should be a quiet moment of reflection, where one might insert say, a character or an emotion, there is instead, a flashback to a fight! Why express an emotion with words or images when you can do it with a good punch up? The best example is the running ninja grudge match between our heroic mute weirdly cyborgy helmeted Snake eyes, and the evil Storm Shadow. Aside from turning the world upside down by having the good guy wear black, and the bad guy wear white (arg my mind!) we quickly learn that these two are brothers! I think the line was “hello again brother”. They fight. But then we’re treated to the flashback of their childhood rivalry, in the most violent child fight I’ve ever seen committed to film. And there ain't a whole lotta them in the first place.

Anyway the plot itself continues to smash along like a powersuited Joe. The ridiculously evil evil evil masterminds of Eccleston and his mad mad mad mad monocled and Darth Vader masked (really) scientist buddy, “The Doctor” (how ironic) who pulls off an amazing impression of Noel Fielding doing an impression of an evil scientist, put their mad mad mad evil evil plot into motion - in addition to threatening the planet with their nano nukes, they're cooking up something much more terrifying; a sequel. Meanwhile Duke wrestles with his past and that he’s still very much hot for Sienna’s smashing rack; why has she turned so evil and hell bent on the end of the world all of a sudden anyway, after all she was but a simple blonde girl, quick to laugh and fond of ponies? Needless to say, baddies turn out to be not as bad as they might seem, while goodies also turn out to not be not all they seem at all, and everyone is generally amazed at all of the revelations unfolding. Then they fight. The climax, if a deafening tumult of noise and banging can be said to have one, is an underwater sub fight that is very Star Wars, where hordes of whizzy subs pew pew at each other, while inside the ninjas fight like Jedi on dramatically high up lightning wreathed towers, and in the skies deadly warheads are chased down by sleek futuristic jets, and everyone generally gets a dramatic little job to do which we can nip back and forth from until we feel a bit sick. In fact, the whole thing is pure Star Wars. And Just like the galaxy far away, there was little chance of the baddies coming up trumps. They do manage to set themselves up nicely for their Empire strikes back though, as by the end, the titular Cobra is fully risen, and all the action figures are nicely in place for a new throwdown, probably in 3D this time.

You have probably taken from the above that I thought Gi Joe to be the silliest film I have ever seen and that I didn’t much care for it. And you’d be right, it is the silliest film I have ever seen, but as I said before, if you go in expecting a film, you’re in the wrong screen buddy, and in fact I rather enjoyed it. This pap is shamelessly daft. It’s tongue is so far up in its cheek it’s drooling on itself. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not cleverly written, it’s not knowingly being stupid in a clever way, but it’s so charmingly dumb, so brainlessly goofy, that it’s hard to criticise it. There are no bad performances, the action is brain meltingly relentless and everything slides by so carelessly that you just have to go with it. One could question why what should be a kids film, for it is they who will get the most out of it, needs to be so violent. Heads are frequently removed, knives and arrows puncture eyes and chests, and a helluva lotta people get shot. But then again, kids love that stuff, and it probably guarantees more toy sales.

So no, I didn’t hate GI Joe. Unlike other brainless action films (I’m looking at you Transformers) this didn’t get up my nose. The silliness was so silly, it managed to reach some kind of critical mass of silliness that actually worked to transform nonsense into smiles. Between the ludicrousness of what you’re seeing and the banality of the script there somehow lies a via media of entertainment, and you simply cant help but laugh. So if you find yourself stuck for something to do for a couple of hours, you might as well check it out, it can’t hurt right? Just don’t expect anything to make sense or to get attached to any characters, and you may find you emerge with a slightly lower IQ and the desire to blow something up.

Treehouse Rating

3/5

Stupidly entertaining

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There's a lot of secrets in District 9

Ever since that awesome Halo short film, it's been clear Neill Blomkamp is one to watch. The first trailer for District 9 was intriguing, but didn't give much away, even when the unblurred and subtitled version emerged. But now with the arrival of a proper full on trailer, we can all start to get very excited. It looks to combine the gut chillingly unpredictable thrills of reality shows like Cops with stomping mech battles, which in no ones world could be a bad thing, but what the movie is really going to be about and where it will take us remains firmly mysterious. Very exciting stuff. Also check out the short Blomkamp made that no doubt got Peter Jackson even more interested in his work.

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I just need one more hit!!

Cigarettes. Crack cocaine. Haribo Tangfastics. All extremely addictive. Now a new member has joined the ranks of the dangerously moreish, and is being delivered directly to our homes by Nintendo. Sold under its street moniker of “PiCOPiCT” (or "Picobits" in the States), this DSi Ware title has swallowed up hours of my time with its compelling gameplay and faultless presentation. Easily mistaken for a Tetris clone this puzzler is in fact as original as it is pretty. As blocks fall from the top of the screen, you have to move correctly coloured blocks into their path to match 4 and cancel them out, clearing away the tiles. Things start simply with just a few colours and slow moving blocks, but by the remix stages you’ll be sweating bullets and spitting blood as the similarly coloured tiles pile up. Classic symptoms. The stylus is perfectly suited for the speed and precision you’ll require to beat later levels, and you may need to resist the urge to dash your DSi against the nearest wall as the tiles inevitably and impossibly fall faster and faster in ever more complex patterns. You will however, take great pleasure at how good you quickly become, squeezing the maximum efficiency out of every wave of falling tiles while clearing each perfectly with lots of combos becomes imperative, and provides the fundamental gaming hit that is so very jaffa-cakeishly moreish. The game is themed around 8 bit Nintendo history, so in addition to the brilliant game itself, you’re also treated to a feast of nostalgia, complete with awesome reworking of classic Ninty themes by Japanese Chiptune outfit YMCK. As you liberate the tiles on the lower screen, they fly up to form the picture of one of your 8 bit memories on the upper screen. Nice.

The whole thing bodes incredibly well for the future of the DSi shop, and in one fell swoop has totally justified my purchase (of a DSi, which I wasn't still wasn't convinced about, as nice as the camera and web browser are). Picopict is available via the DSi Shop and costs a measly 500 points. Which meant I got it free, as I resisted the urge to buy that lame looking WarioWare snapped with my free points. Hurrah.

Right, back to it..

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Go Johnny go go go go..

Fantastic news for Natal enthusiasts still holding out for the verdict as to whether what we saw at E3 was real or dressed up fantasy. Impressions coming out of E3 have been very positive, but it still feels very much a believe it when I see it kind of experience. The cautious optimism however is gradually being replaced by downright frenzied excitement with the word that Johnny Chung Lee is part of the development team. You may recall Johnny Lee is the genius behind various Wii remote related applications, that pushed the boundaries of what technology could be made to do in the home. We all probably thought Nintendo would snap him up, but they have, it appears, been caught napping, and it's Microsoft who have made a very very wise decision.

Of Natal, on his blog Lee says "The human tracking algorithms that the teams have developed are well ahead of the state of the art in computer vision in this domain. The sophistication and performance of the algorithms rival or exceed anything that I've seen in academic research, never mind a consumer product". Strong praise indeed, and to have it come from the most recognised academic developer of home made motion tracking, bodes very well for Natal's credibility.

Lee is working on "making sure this can transition from the E3 stage to your living room", so I just got a whole lot more excited for how we'll be playing games in a few years time. As Lee says, "We would all love to one day have our own personal holodeck. This is a pretty measurable step in that direction." Blimey! Do want.

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Horror Corner - Martyrs

I went into French Horror film Martyrs scared. I foolishly looked at an early preview, and was disturbed by what I had read. Ultra violent. Nightmarish. Sickening. And apparently not with the intention of merely grossing you out, but supported by a wholly more intellectual and meaningful raison d’etre. Turns out I needn’t have been too worried. While it is unarguably bold, disturbing, shocking and at times pretty hard to watch, once past it's obvious horrific charms it turns out the central conceit it pins its eventual resolution on is in fact the hardest part to stomach. Getting there though means embarking on an exceptionally well crafted and grisly journey, and if the film is anything, it is above all surprising, so should you wish to maximise the impact of such surprises and avoid some small, early spoilers, I suggest you certainly don't continue reading..

In a run down part of town, a young girl staggers screaming into the street and runs for her life, she has it seems been cruelly tortured. A grainy newsreel picks up the story; the discovery of the slaughterhouse where she was imprisoned, the clues as to her ordeal, and the inability of the police to locate her tormentors. The girl, Lucie, is put into care, and again we are shown grainy footage of her distrustful life there, and the emerging careful friendship between her and another girl, Anna. Lucie is clearly disturbed by her traumatic experience, and we quickly see that she is prone to self harm, although she claims that she's not responsible for the wounds. Weight is given to the claim, when she is attacked in the night by a screeching, wild haired figure, that does a grand job of putting the willies up you. So far so normal, everything’s in the traditional horror mould.

Skip forward 15 years. Oh yes, don’t read this bit if you don’t want a nasty surprise ruined. 15 years later, a lovely French family sit at breakfast chatting away when the doorbell rings, and without so much as a bonjour, in bursts Lucie with a shotgun and blows them all away. I make light of it, because I am still shaking with the shock of this sequence. Truly masterful, this I did not see coming. She systematically, and with great difficulty and remorse, takes out the four of them, kids and all, in an apparent bid for revenge for her childhood imprisonment and torture. But how can this suburban family possibly be responsible for the horrors that has left Lucie so scarred? Well, they're dead now, so we better watch where this goes..

The thing about revenge movies, is that the act of vengeance is usually the climax of the film. Here it happens in the first 20 minutes, and I was guilty of fretting about where it was going to go next, when I should have just rolled with it and trusted that a satisfying story was going to come my way, which it did. A wholly unpredictable and far reaching story, that intertwines several horror traditions and dumps the bloody mess in the viewer’s lap.

Mylène Jampanoï’s Lucie is continually tormented by the nightmarish, hideous figure of a dead girl, who Grudge-like, twists and contorts around the place, brutally attacking her at every opportunity in eye wateringly graphic scenes of razor blade abuse. Morjana Alaoui is the doting childhood friend Anna who goes out of her way to protect Lucie from herself and others, and sets about helping her with the fallout of her gun spree, which via some twists you almost certainly didn't see coming takes her on a personal journey that is as horrific as it is thought provoking. The film certainly stays with you, and not just because of the grisly depicitons of violence.

The cast are fairly exceptional; both of our “heroines” turn in consistently amazing performance throughout what must have been an extremely demanding gig. The supporting cast are all excellent, providing menace, pity, and stark realism in just the right measures. Special kudos goes to Isabelle Chasse, billed as "the creature" for giving me nightmares all week. The effects, this is a horror film after all, are superbly executed. The violence is hyper real and very difficult to watch. The makeup effects are disturbing and at times upsetting, even when bordering on the fantastical.

The film is boldly brilliant, and very much unlike obvious candidates for comparison like Saw or Hostel. This is not such a movie, because here the violence truly isn't designed to simply tickle your voyeuristic fancy. The true motive for the cruelty and torment on display is revealed in the final act, and while the premise itself is a little far-fetched and a touch Gallic in its conviction, the realisation that a higher purpose has been at work causes some much bigger horizons for what it’s all been about to open up. Alas, so do a few inconsistencies and questions where the ethos doesn’t quite mesh with some of the extraordinary horrors we’ve seen along the way, and it’s here and in the very final revelatory scenes that it stumbles.

It's bound to be a Marmite movie - loved and reviled in equal measure, for many will see nothing more than the torture porn of its contemporaries, and it contains scenes of such intensity, that even horror lovers may find it a bit beyond the pale - it's certainly not for the faint-hearted. But ultimately this is, while at times shocking, a thoroughly fearless and above all, modern horror movie that speaks volumes about director Pascal Laugier, who despite no longer being attached to the upcoming Hellraiser remake, is certainly a figure to watch in horror.

Treehouse rating

4/5

Disturbingly good

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E3 Update: Modern Warfare 2

Did someone mention Modern Warfare 2? Oh right it was me. We've seen the trailers, but now feast your eyes on the glorious gameplay footage, fresh from the stage at E3. Looks like they've stuck to the winning formula and delivered the trademark, and presumably patented "awesomeness" that was the mantra of COD4. The vid demonstrates some nicely paced tension/action, all played out in the glorious Ice fields of Hoth, and a Return of the Jedi speeder chase thrown in for good measure. Although that could be For your eyes only too.

Also nice to see the return of the SAS, those cheeky cockney muppets, although hardly surprising, being as they are the finest military outfit in the world. It would seem you, the silly-named "Roach" are now under the tutelage of er, yourself, being Captain "Soap" Mactavish as played by you in the first game, when you also had a silly name. How Zen. Between the pair of them, there's some serious havoc on display here, and this is just a taster. Must keep an eye out for the multiplayer beta. Roll on November.

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E3 Update: Project Natal

Sadly, Treehouse budgets preclude us from jetting to E3 to cover press conferences in person, so we have to make do with live video feeds and reading smart alecy girls' typed updates. Microsoft were first up this year, and have dropped a couple of bombshells. In amid the Beatles, more Halo, game play footage of Modern Warfare 2 and Metal Gear Solid coming to Xbox, was a fairly extraordinary piece on the motion capture camera everyone's been poo pooing. This was clearly the crown jewels in the display, as Steven Spielberg and Peter Molyneux were wheeled out to wax lyrical about it, and some bloke named Kudo (Tsunoda- lead designer) who couldnt resist taking a few pops at Nintendo's lame waggle approach to inclusivity.

Project Natal (working title, for 'tis but a prototype) consists of what must be a fairly spiffy camera, capable of facial recognition, body motion capture, voice recognition, object recognition - blah blah blah, big whoop, whats new? - the presentation kicked off with a Nintendo style video of people playing various games, martial arts, racing, quiz games, all by just moving their bodies. Right, bit suspicious, although the motion capture looks impressive. Still cant be real. Oh look, they're navigating menus Minority Report style, and chatting on the video screen. Also, voice controlling movies - now that is handy, but hardly revolutionary.

Next up, after a potentially diastrous start in which Kudo's avatar spazzed around like a double jointed gymnast (lotta lights onstage huh Kudo?), an onstage demonstration of some tech demos; a block smashing game where a girl bounces around kicking punching and heading balls down a corridor. Hmm interesting; plausibility, rising.. Next a painting game where the guy paints a landscape with elephant. Not too interesting in itself (but clearly fun) but it's here I noticed how closely the movements were being replicated; as the guy just stood talking to the audience, the avatar onscreen mimicked precisely. Full body motion capture, with real subtlety of movement. Ooh.

Next up, Molyneux, and the part of the demo that puts this in the almost creepy folder. Lionhead have had Natal for a couple of months, and have come up with an AI boy, Milo, that the player can interact with. Using the facial and voice recognition, the creepy kid looks at the demonstrator's face, reacts with emotion to what she says while having a seemingly proper conversation, "throws" objects to her, is passed a drawing. Er, really, its a bit creepy. She then plays with the water in the river Milo lives by, her reflection shimmerring realistically in the surface as she sloshes the water about. That sir, is pretty freaking amazing.

Whether or not this will turn out to be what it appears to be, we'll know in the next few days as fortunate journos with their deep deep pockets get to try it out, and lord knows, we can't trust Peter "ZOMG" Molyneux. If it turns out to not be a fancy pants eye toy, and does do what it suggests though, well, I'm not one for hyperbole, but it could literally change the entire world forever. Or just be a ton of fun. One of those.

Image courtesy of (pinched from) Kotaku

Check after the break for some early videos.

The cheesy "product vision". Hmmm, really?




And Milo. Imagine Fallout 3 with NPCs with this tech.

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