Gran Torino Review

Clint Eastwood has said that Gran Torino is his last acting role. I hope it isn’t because this is a man who is a delight to watch on screen. I have literally grown up watching Clint Eastwood’s movies - from the wonderful spaghetti westerns to ‘Dirty Harry’. From the buttock clenchingly climactic scene of ‘Unforgiven’ to the underrated ‘Perfect World’ - I always see a Clint movie. And why? Because this man is a genuine movie star and a great director. The words ‘movie star’ were coined with actors like Clint in mind. When you watch this man on screen, he tears it up and makes every scene his own. His career has had as many ups and downs as a rollercoaster but, like many of the characters he plays, he has shown a resilience to continue trying to perfect the art form that made him a household name. Right, I think that’s enough hero worship for now. Time to review the film!

First off, the advertising for Gran Torino is a little misleading. If you’re expecting a geriatric Dirty Harry, you’ll probably be disappointed. I laughed more in this film than I have in many of the recent comedies I have seen. The story is a familiar one and, in many respects, Clint is on safe ground. It basically revolves around recently widowed, racist and grumpy Walt Kowalski who finds himself living in a neighborhood of Hmong immigrants. He is a bitter, angry and very resentful man (sounds like me) spending his days pottering round his home, drinking, swearing, scowling and growling (I kid you not). He has little in common with his sons and seems to show no love at all for his grandchildren (although they are pretty disrespectful). The turning point in the film is when Thao, the teenage son of his neighbor attempts to steal his 1972 Gran Torino. To be fair to the boy, he is pressured into the stealing as an initiation (but it’s still no excuse really). Unfortunately for Thao, Walt catches him in the act. The gang pressuring Thao into the theft go a little nuts and start to attack him and his family and are stopped by Walt and his ancient Korean War rifle. This intervention makes Clint a local and reluctant hero. Thoa’s mother and sister insist that Thao work off his debt to Clint by working for him and this leads to an unlikely friendship between the two of them. It also shows the loneliness that Clint’s character feels and the warmth he is capable of – despite his persistent use of racist language and his grumpy exterior. The development of the friendship is critical to the film’s success and is managed masterfully and provides ample opportunity for laughs. When the turning point comes – it’s swift and brutal leading to the inevitable showdown.

The film is not without criticism – the supporting actors are not great. Their performances are very patchy. To be fair, they’re not actors and Gran Torino is their first film. Clint wanted to have a genuine feel to his movie and make regular people comfortable enough to be filmed. While this is laudable and works for the most part, there are some cringe worthy scenes that fall pretty flat. If you can get past this shortcoming the film works – and it works well. It’s funny, touching, poignant and ultimately satisfying. Oh, and there is that gorgeous Gran Torino. It’s as old as me and, some might say, just as sexy. Ahem.

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Watchmen Review - some spoilers

Watchmen is ‘superhero’ film that’s like no other in the genre. Directed by Zack Snyder and based on the 1986 comic, Watchmen takes place in an alternative 1985 – one in which the US wins the Vietnam war, Nixon is re-elected and the US and the Soviet are on the brink of nuclear war. Pretty catastrophic. Do not be under any illusions - Watchmen is a dark, violent film. The superheroes are as far away removed from the 'Superman' type hero as you can get. These are not the 'goody two shoes, lets help the needy' type characters you might expect. These are very flawed superheroes indeed (actually, they’re ‘human’). Ones, quite frankly, you'd be better off staying away from. And that's what makes the story so fascinating.

Alan Moore, the author of the graphic novel, has taken the superhero concept and turned it on its head. What if superheroes were as flawed as normal people? What if they could be mean, murderous and psychotic? The story itself, at least in the graphic novel, is what makes Watchmen such a classic. It deals with issues of politics, religion, good and evil and all the shades in between. It deals with science, metaphysics, speaks of conspiracies, paranoia and revenge. For its time and even now, it is both smart and intelligent. Does it work on the big screen? Hmmmm almost, but not quite. It was always a tall order to make the film contain as much depth as the novel and in many ways I wish they'd made the film in two parts rather than one long bum numbingly one as I think it could have worked much better.

The film opens with a spectacular sequence that immediately grips you by the balls and doesn’t let go. One of the Watchmen - the Comedian - is brutally murdered. This unlikely murder sets off a chain of events where the now outlawed masked superhero Rorschach (played brilliantly by Jackie Earle Haley) sets out to uncover a plot to kill and discredit all past and present superheroes. Unfortunately he's a paranoid psychotic and even his former crime-fighting buddies don't believe him. The story of each of the Watchmen is revealed in flashbacks that work very well and they don't interrupt the film's flow. We find out that the Comedian (played suitably menacingly by Jeffrey Dean Morgan) is anything but funny. For example, he tries to brutally rape a fellow watchman (Silk Spectre) and kills a woman pregnant with his child. And I love this about both the comic and the film (not his actions I hasten to add). It dares to be different. It sticks up two fingers to convention and grounds the characters in a bleak reality. Not that I'm a cynic or a pessimist (I prefer the term realist myself) but hey, the world is hardly a happy place right?

The story has such a strong resonance with the world we live in today and there is no denying that Zack Snyder has made a visual masterpiece but the script and some (in my opinion) odd choices of music let the film down badly. You can't help leave the cinema with a feeling that it’s a real missed opportunity. The first half is so good and then the film loses some of its momentum, creaks under the strain of what it’s trying to achieve, then it buckles and by the time the final gut wrenching plot is revealed - I felt a little bored and couldn't care less. Other than Rorschach and the Comedian, the other superheroes are just plain dull. We get to see Dr Manhattan's blue penis a few too many times and he really does talk loads of nonsense as he evolves into a supreme being, Nite Owl II is just impotent as a character (how the heck is this dweeb a superhero?) and Silk Spectre II is a beautiful woman is a skimpy outfit. Sure she can kick ass but that's about it. Along with Watchman Ozymandias, the characters don't seem plausible (yes, I know they're comic book characters). The biggest (unintentional?) comedy moment is Silk Spectre II having sex with Nite Owl II to Leonard Cohen's 'Hallelujah'. Oh dear. In fact for all his brilliance, the way Snyder introduces us to the plot central to the story makes it feel implausible and, well, pants. His attention to the story telling is not as acute as his attention to detail for the visuals - with the exception of Carla Gugino's make up when she's made to look older which is truly awful and actually looks like make up.

Overall, the positives just about outweigh the negatives - but not by much. And that's what I find so irritating about this whole experience is that Watchmen could have been so utterly, devastatingly brilliant. It could literally have been THE defining motion picture event of the year but it isn’t. Instead, it’s an overlong, overblown visual feast that leaves you wishing you could leave way before the end of the film. If nothing else, it might make you go to the comic shop and buy the graphic novel - which is no bad thing. As a film, it doesn't work. Masterful visuals and some wonderful performances have been let down by poor story telling and some poor performances. In a word, it’s inconsistent. But, Jackie Earle Haley is a great find for me. I’ll be watching him very closely.

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Drake! Check your camera! There seems to be a malfunction..

Sure, video in one direction is fine. But why not use a $45,000 storm trooper sphere camera to record in all directions, and create videos where the viewer can decide the direction of their gaze? Ok this tech has been lurking for some time, it is of course what you can play with for hours on Google street view, but I never saw it in video form before. Google street view is a series of still images stitched together which is impressive enough, but actual video? Cool! This is from the Immersive Media website where lots of other 360 vids await your amazement. What practical applications can we expect from this? Considering it demands total interaction (considered a pro, or selling point if you will) it's not likely to revolutionise our modern day entertainment media, which we like to keep interactive in a more immediate, sharey kind of way. For web documentaries and the like though this is amazing stuff. Hard to direct a viewer in the way you would a movie but as far as documenting scenes this is unbeatable. Now you can be a virtual tourist, travelling along any street or landscape, and appreciate everything just as you would if you were there. Or how about a wedding video in full 360 degrees? Want to film the audience and the choir and the backs of the happy couple all at once? I should think so! Although the kit is probably slightly out of reach for your average wedding videographer.

If you were to combine this kind of footage with the stuff Johnny Lee was up to with the Wii, what would happen? Would you be able to move the view around just by moving your head? And then you'd have to add in actual 3D footage. And a big spherical room to project the whole scene in! Yes, the future will bring in addition to it's ample gifts, the wonder of cricked necks from all the craning and turning the once simple and relaxing act of watching a video now entails. Still, although what the boffins will make of this amazing tech in unclear, what we can be sure of is that this is what the marines in Aliens would have had strapped to their heads, so Cameron should reflect on whether he should have had just a little more foresight into the future of camera technology.

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'The International' Review

Last night, in the plush viewing theatre at Sony Pictures London office, I was treated to a private screening of ‘The International’. Firstly, it’s a great cinema – the kind I dreamt about having in my house when I was younger (before the walls of reality came crashing down around me). The seats are HUGE, the leg room putting business class airline seats to shame and oh, did I mention the free food and drink? No? Well, there was plenty. Anyway, I digress before I’ve even started. Let’s get to the review of the film before you all think I’m bragging (which I am).

I knew next to nothing about the film before I saw it. The plot in the The International revolves around an Interpol agent (Clive Owen) and an Assistant District Attorney (Naomi Watts) determined to expose corrupt dealings in one of the world's most powerful banks. What’s this I thought to myself? Banks? Dodgy dealings? Is this a film or a documentary? The timing of the film’s release is exquisite given the current predicament of the global economy and those naughty bankers to blame. There are illegal activities galore - arms trading, murder and conspiracies to control governments. This film has it all. It’s certainly not a happy film. In fact its overall tone is very dark and depressing – you get a real sense that nothing will change and the poor good guy who wants justice will actually never win. Art imitating life perhaps?

The film itself is an odd mix of exhilarating 80% of the time (my heart was pounding in some brilliant set pieces) and then oddly flat. It could have been a great film but instead it will be one that divides public opinion. You’ll either like it or hate it. It’s certainly not for everyone. The Director (Tom Tykwer of Run Lola Run fame) does a fine job in maintaining the pace of the film on the whole but only manages to muster some inconsistent acting from his two leads. Naomi Watts is largely wasted. Hardly any character development at all and really it’s no more than a short supporting role. No bad thing as I think she is pretty over rated as an actress (I can hear my fellow blogger Munial spluttering into his tea). This means Owen has to carry the film on his own. He almost manages this but at times the delivery of his lines are so deadpan, so unemotional and stilted. Come on Clive, I know you can do better - Children of Men being a good example. The supporting cast led by the ever reliable Armin Mueller-Stahl is excellent. The script is top-notch, almost minimalist at times and I’ve already recycled a few quotes from the film (always a good sign).

So, despite my criticisms above, I did enjoy the film thoroughly. I found it to be intelligent, thought provoking but/and ultimately depressing. A feel good movie it is not. Well worth watching in the cinema.

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Heaven is where the DSis come from

Look here Nintendo. You had me at 'bigger screens' ok, no need for this bizarro alternate universe where everyone and everything is Daz white and people all use their DS's while grinning at each other. Those people are seriously enjoying themselves, especially the old couple at 2.31, pointing and laughing at their new digital photo frame. Jeepers, get a room.

Despite the god awful marketing, you will find me lining up on April 3 to pick up what will be my 3rd DS, that's one for each iteration. I remember thinking it was a risky purchase back when it first appeared, a real wild card in the Nintendo stable - will it be a natural replacement for the Gameboy or will it go the way of the virtual boy? Time has proven me a savvy consumer with a good eye for a winner, but even more time has proven me a sucker for shiny objects "now with bigger screens". Damn you ninty.

I do love my DS still though, having recently been spending a lot of time with the Korg DS10 (genius) and Professor Layton, and don't feel too ridiculous shelling out for another one with a few fairly pointless bells and whistles on it. Cameras aside, I'll definitely make use of the SD card slot and the web browser, despite no flash (damn!). The shop sound fairly handy too, modelled after the Wii shop which I have found pretty good use for, so I better cash in some more stars for points, if there are any to be sold yet.

This marketing is straight from Nintendo's dark new heart of inclusivity for all age ranges and genders, and despite the extreme cheese, you have to admit the DS has the gamut pretty well covered for everyone on the planet. It is still an odd realisation to be creating Kraftwerkalike electronica on the tube, only to notice that sat opposite a 6 year old girl in pigtails is holding the same object as you, albeit a pink one, mucky with glittery stickers, and playing with her pixelated dalmatians. Where will this Nintendomination of the planet end? At least a couple more DS versions away probably. The real big question is, do I trade in my DS Lite or just go ahead and buy another copy of Korg for some linked up, 32 pattern choons. That's going to be kind of tricky on the tube..

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Killzone 2 Single Player Review

Overall verdict
Ladies, if you have a boyfriend with a PS3, expect little or no love from him when the 27th of February 2009 arrives. If he has any sense, he’ll have a copy of KZ2 slammed into the PS3 and he’ll be engaging with Helghast instead of engaging with you. The bad news is that this lack of personal engagement might last quite some time … you might want to find a new boy friend with a Wii or Xbox360 because never before has war or any console game looked so depressingly beautiful. If I had to compare the entire game to a film, it would be best described by the opening sequence of ‘Saving Private Ryan’ (complete with naff story and suspect dialogue). KZ2 is an in your face, relentlessly grim, non-stop, gory, violent and adrenaline filled ride of a game that’s huge fun to play. It sucks you in, spits you out, gets you hooked and I really struggled to stop playing it long enough to write this review. In short, buy it, play it and enjoy it! Get some!



Story
Developed by Guerrilla Games (a subsidiary of Sony Computer Entertainment), KZ2 sends players hurtling into the midst of an ultra-realistic ongoing battle between the Helghast and the Interplanetary Strategic Alliance (ISA). How did we get here? Erm, I’m not sure. I played KZ1 when it first came out and I can’t remember. One of my niggles about KZ2 is that I’m not sure what is going on – a good story is one that engages you and has a beginning, a middle and an end and this is one aspect I wish the developers had spent a little more time on - making me care more about the characters and the ongoing battle. It actually took me a while to realise I was playing as Sergeant Tomas “Sev” Sevchenko - a war hardened veteran leading the assault on Helghast central. Call of Duty 4 managed to do this well building up the characters and making us care about them. It’s a small niggle as the game is so damn fine, but with a little more history, I think the game could have had a greater emotional connection with the player. My other niggle is with the dialogue. It’s corny, clichéd and, with the exception of the rhetoric spewed out by Emperor Scolar Visari and Colonel Radec, utter crap (not to mention their daft accents). So, we have an invasion, the grim reality of war, heavy losses on both sides … not like real life on Planet Earth then? Hmmm see why I think Guerrilla Games could have made a better connection with the gamer? There are real echoes with the current state of the World – something that COD 4 capitalises on.

Graphics
A bleak, post apocalyptic world has never been so ball achingly good. KZ2 is jaw droppingly beautiful and sets a new standard for console games – not just first person shooters. The most remarkable aspect of the graphics is that they are so well done and so ‘realistic’ you almost don’t notice them – very high praise indeed. And all that beauty is in the detail, the small things that you almost miss the first time you play the game. I took more time the second time round to savour the details and finally realised why it has taken so long to develop KZ2. Guerrilla Games should be applauded for the lengths they have gone to make Helghan seem so convincing. Everything from the dust blowing across a barren waste, to the destructible environments to the way Helghans die … all poetry in motion. You will have more than a few ‘holy shit!’ moments throughout the whole game.

Game play
Graphics can suck you in and make you coo with delight but if the game play blows, you won’t play for very long. KZ2 is an assault on the senses and overall the game play is solid. I found the default control settings counterintuitive and needed to be changed (I use Alternate 2) and once I tweaked the sensitivity I was a happy little bunny. KZ2 also includes a cover system that works for the most part. The use of the cover system is integral to the surviving the game. You cannot just run at the Helghast shooting from the hip – they will obliterate you in a heart beat. A couple of times now the cover system has failed me and wouldn’t let me fire my weapon. I just moved along a bit and all was fine so it’s not a major criticism in single player mode – but in multi-player online, it has the potential to irritate me if it costs me my life.

Speaking of enemies, there are 14 different class of Helghast all of whom fight in different ways and carry different weapons (one class do a nifty little forward roll too and are as nimble as ninja warriors). They are also seemingly intelligent. Not your usual AI fodder at all. These Helghast work in packs like wolves. They retreat if they’re on the back foot and advance if they have you pinned down. They run away from grenades and will flank you if you give them the chance. It’s amazing to see in action. This makes me wonder why the buddy AI is so poor by comparison. Damn fools kept getting in the way at times and then complaining that I shot them! Pah! “Get out of the way you moron”, I found myself shouting at the screen a few times. It doesn’t break the game play but is does stand out against the exceptional enemy AI.

Weapons are varied and fun to use. Using the knife reminded me of Counter strike Source – which is a good thing. Other weapons, from the Bolt Gun to the Electricity Gun made me smile. The flame thrower made me feel really guilty – all that screaming and flailing around and the sniper felt solid and good in my hands. I’ll be using that online. A lot.

Replay Value
I’m on my third run through already collecting all the trophies. The single player mode is engaging enough for you to want to run through it a few times but, I suspect, it’s the multiplayer mode (not yet tested by me) where KZ2 will really shine. Criticisms have been levelled at the game for a lack of co-op but seriously, with such a well developed and considerable multiplayer mode available, who cares? Not me.

Verdict
It’s a must have for the PS3 owner and, if you don’t have a PS3, you should seriously consider getting one. It’s not perfect but then no game ever is. People will tell you it’s not revolutionary, that it doesn’t do anything new. Maybe there is a modicum of truth in that but, KZ2 is huge fun so don’t let those petty arguments distract you from what is a solid, beautiful game well worth the wait and one that meets its very high expectations.

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Behold the future of cinema!

How best to convey what I took from my recent viewing of "My Bloody Valentine"? A full review, giving it the time and effort deserving of an endeavour undertaken by many talented people? No. Perhaps some impressions, a quick run down of key plot points and emotions evoked by the work? Hmm maybe. But I know, first, how about a quick visit to thesaurus .com? Ok, here we go, typing s-t-u-p-i-d.. ok, ah yes, you see I knew it! behold! A review of My bloody Valentine! Now, if I simply type, "My bloody Valentine is... and copy that, and paste this, et voila! A fully functional and perfectly succinct review that misses out no salient point! here it is:

My Bloody Valentine is: brainless, dazed, deficient, dense, dim, doltish, dopey*, dull, dumb, dummy*, foolish, futile, gullible, half-baked*, half-witted*, idiotic, ill-advised, imbecilic, inane, indiscreet, insensate, irrelevant, laughable, loser*, ludicrous, meaningless, mindless, moronic, naive, nonsensical, obtuse, out to lunch, pointless, puerile, rash, senseless, shortsighted, simple, simpleminded, slow, sluggish, stolid, stupefied, thick, thick-headed, trivial, unintelligent, unthinking, witless

Ok so some of those don't work, not sure what dummy and loser are doing in there, and "out to lunch"? Must be an American thing? Perhaps you think I'm being harsh? But I'm really not. I'm offended by this film. I'm offended that such a steaming turd can be plopped in our laps and we're supposed to gobble it down grinning a shit stained leer at our gracious feeders. What a waste of time. What a waste of money. Do you really want to know the plot? It's pretty pointless? It's a remake of an 80's slasher film. No I hadn't seen it either. Ok come with me, mind the shit..

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More Impressions: Killzone 2

Another Killzone 2 post? What's the Tree house come to? S1n's already given his demo impressions, but I recently had a chance to play the full game, or at least the first act, so it would be remiss of me not to add in my 2 cents. I played for a good 4 hours or so on normal mode, reaching the 2nd act and taking in a boss fight or two. So this is not a review, which will be along shortly once we've properly digested all it has to offer. Bear in mind, I'm the resident Xbot in this outfit, which should convince you my words are objective when you see how nice I am..

So what's good?

Visuals. Stunning. We're looking at the peak of video gaming visuals for sure, animation and lighting and sheer attention to detail are second to none. Motion of enemies is fluid and varied, and very realistic. Smoke and dust kick up and whirl to create a very convincing environment that's toxic and nasty. Colour palette is not an issue, I saw plenty of other colours in there besides grey. Although it is not, of course, visually up to what we were shown back in 2005, (but I think we knew that by now didn't we?) all the elements shown in that trailer are all largely intact, albeit in a "this is as good as technology really is so far" kind of way.

Sound. Up there, although lacking a surround sound setup is a bummer. Guns give meaty register, and close up shotgun blasts produce sloppy gibbage. Tasty. The wind whistles, and explosions thunder. Not sure why the Helghast are all cockney geezers though.

Environments. Are very solid with lots of nice interaction, which is at the level when you get disappointed that you can't do something else, like blow holes in walls, because the types you have seen are so good. Explosive gas cans litter the place and produce satisfying asplosions with much gusto. Kablooey. There's also some terrific set pieces in which shit really gets blown up.

Level design. So far, linear, but appropriately so. Just interesting enough to keep from being completely derivative, despite not (yet) showing us anything remotely new. Helghan kind of reminds me of that city I invaded in COD4? Missions are broken into sub objectives as usual, and keep the action chugging along nicely. The first act sees you defending a convoy along its path to the centre of the city, but it's all fairly incidental. Missions boil down to blow up that building, secure that turret, lower that bridge and so forth. Come to think of it, that is kinda derivative isn't it?

Weapons. Varied and fun, again if unoriginal. A few decent rifles to choose from, the standard grunt rifle being very similar to one from COD4 with its square iron sights. The bolt gun is a lot of fun, and the sniper rifle, always a good measure of a designers smarts, is spot on, if quite hard to master. Turrets are boss. It also features a top notch flamethrower with which you may guiltily toast your screaming enemies. There's generally a lot of each gun lying about the place too, so you can chop and change and try out a good selection without fear of reprimand. It's very generous with the rockets too. The short fused grenades are essential in beating back flanking Helghast, and provide a satisfying treat when they find their target. There's also a nice tank that you're disappointingly not allowed to drive anywhere. Maybe they're saving that for later?

Enemy AI. Is very convincing and generally challenging. They charge, they flank, they retreat when you shoot them in the face. They seemingly talk to each other and coordinate. They show intelligence beyond your expectation, sneaky little buggers. And they come for you when you're on the back foot. Scary stuff. Oh and they're also really tough, especially the big fat ones.

Sixaxis integration. Really nice touches! Set charges and turn valves with turns of the pad. I love this sort of thing when implemented well, and here it doesn't seem forced or gimmicky. Wonder what else you get to twist later on?

So far so great, so what's bad? Proper bad? Not a lot! But there are some niggles:

Script. Not high on my list of expectations, but steel yourself cos the script is dross. Cookie cutter marines lifted from Gears of War, Aliens, Starship Troopers, take your pick, shout ooh ra and expletives at each other. After 4 hours of playing I still wasn't 100% on which one I even was! The one with the daft haircut I think. They're all equally bland and foul mouthed, and weirdly ugly with it, in a "my face isn't actually very well designed" kind of way - perhaps the game's only visual failing. In the first act at least, there is no plot to speak of. We're invading the planet, they're not happy about it. I guess we really don't need much more than that. Some semi decent dialogue would be nice for a change, but then again I guess marines are never going to be chatting about the architecture.

Controls. Pretty solid for the most part, but the default settings are crippled. Surely everyone agrees the left trigger to aim and right to fire is a convention we can all embrace? So where does Guerrilla get off mucking about with it? But seriously, I'm personally so familiar with it it's a no brainer. Fortunately it's available as an alternate setup, but as a result some of the other design choices, it can cause problems at times, which brings me to ..

The cover system. Not a total negative, as this worked well for the most part, but it took some getting used to. Approach a wall or corner and hit L2 to attach to it as cover. You can then pop out by pushing the L stick, but you can also pop out with iron sights L1, meaning you are holding down 3 buttons just to pop out before you're even firing. If however, like me you're using the alternate (re normal fps) control setup, this can put you in situations where you run out of fingers. Specifically with the sniper rifle, you'll find you're a finger short to change the zoom level when sniping from cover. A minor niggle. More annoying is the lack of auto reload when in cover, you have to pull back to reload or you just stand there like a numpty. Probably a good idea to get in cover to reload anyway, but maybe I like reloading while upright?

Invisible walls. A necessity, granted, but some more work could have been done to justify and hide them. Take Fallout 3 where you may be clambering up a huge pile of rubble in downtown DC before you give up and realise there's no way through to that landmark on the map. It gave you a good crack though huh? Here a 2 foot wall or small pool of water is enough to block your path.

Friendly AI. While the enemies are smart and fearsome, your team is dull and stupid, and frequently wander into your sights then bitch about getting shot. I had to pull a Christian Bale at one point. Then I remembered he can't hear me, not being real and all.

I'm very short? Seriously, we couldn't pinpoint it at first, a sense that we had slightly constricted view of the world, an odd sensation of claustrophobia? Then it clicked. We're tiny. I had to check we didn't have crouch on. In a quiet moment, get next to your buddy, level off your sights, and see where you come up to. You're a midget. Even the scientist lady towers over you. Suddenly I feel very vulnerable..

No Co-op? Boo! With AI this good we need human backup. Surely this should be standard from here on in? Split screen multiplayer would be nice too.

So that's it. On the whole, very impressive. Possibly the best looking game to date on any system anywhere, which is almost a shame as it's all so ghastly. The enemies are tough and smart, and the gun play is the most satisfying since COD4, which has clearly been a strong influence. Of course we couldn't test it yet, but with such well put together weapons and physics, its clear that multiplayer is going to be a ton of fun, and will no doubt create a massive community and fan base.

It's not revolutionary by any means, treading well worn paths with frequent nods to it's forbears and a pretty safe approach to design, it is nonetheless a highly competent if not essential shooter. I do want to finish the fight now though..

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Full Fat Half Life

Goddamn there are some talented people about. Take a look at this ridiculously impressive Half Life inspired short, apparently made on a next to nothing budget, and shot between periods of hiding from security. Wisely steering clear of everyones favourite bearded mute, who is essentially impossible to bring to the screen as a character (he's a mute! And if he isn't a mute, he isn't Gordon!) , this centres around a pair of rebels fleeing town at the start of episode 1. Sure the actual acting is slightly ropey, but to my mind this proves a Half Life film could totally work as a blockbuster; look at those gunships! And that strider explosion is freaking amazing! Hell even their logo is impressive. Maybe we could just see Gordon doing something heroic from a distance now and again, you know, like Jesus in Ben Hur? Nice crowbar action in there too.

This is going to have legs mark my words. Valve have already flown the responsible pair out to their HQ for a chat, and we know they have a history of backing and nurturing talented types. It really makes me want to get myself a Mac and learn to use after effects. It also makes me want to go and blow the crap out of City 17 for the 17th time.

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"Death is in my blood ..."

Those are the wonderful words that almost set off a reaction from me of orgasmic proportions! My body shivered, my spine tingled, my jaw dropped, my eyes seared with the beautiful imagery flashing before them. The smooth framerates, the blood, the (many) enemies, the cyclops ... the word 'epic' will simply not be adequate to describe this game when it's released. Kratos will be with us soon and, in his own wise words, "in the end there will be only chaos". Woooo-hooo! With bigger bosses, more enemies, new fighting mechanics - can any game of this genre get any better?

I feel like a giddy school girl with a crush - in other words, I'm smitten and deeply happy but I don't wear a skirt. Not in public anyway. GOWIII is scheduled for release on 25/09/2009. It simply can't come quick enough.

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