Killzone 2 Demo Impressions

In a word, it's intense. In two words it's beautifully realised. In three words, it's ruddy brilliant. The graphics are amazing and with so much going on at the same time I'm often not sure where to look. But great visuals alone don't make a great game. Luckily, KZ2 has playability too. And by the bloody, gory bucket full. Once you get used to the controls (it's pretty intuitive) you're thrown screaming head first into a war hell.

In an average FPS, playing against bots is pretty repetitive and predictable. But, unlike bots from other games, these pesky Helghast seem unnervingly intelligent. They will flank you, they work together to flush you out and they will kill you. Resistance, as the Borg once said, is futile. But resist we must. These Helghast are mean, ugly and sneaky.

There are a few minor niggles but none that distract from the experience overall. I thought COD4 would be hard to beat but, on the strength of this (short) demo, I'm sure KZ2 will take the FPS crown for 2009 at least.

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Sad songs

As if in response to me declaring my love for their work, the fabulous, amazing creators of World of Goo have made available their brilliant soundtrack to their brilliant game, completely for free and with no strings. Could these guys get any cooler? Go. Get. It.

This adds another geeky string to my Ipod to cause potential goo-ey situations when randomly asked what am I listening to. With this soundtrack however I can hold my head high, being infinitely more palatable to the ordinary ear as it is than, say, the water temple theme, which I also have on my pod. Along with a bunch of other Zelda tunes and most of Mario Galaxy's epic orchestrals. And Bioshock's 30's fest. Fallout 3 may be next - although those 2 don't really count featuring, as they do, "proper" songs. Oh and also "Still Alive", which does count and is pretty geeky. But everyone has that right? Truly, these days you can measure your obsessions by the contents of your pockets. Or am I alone in this and as sad as I sometimes think? Do you have gaming soundtracks on your MP-player of choice? Do you actually listen to them while wandering around out in the real world? Geeks!

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Delicious Gooey Centre

It was a good thing that my Xbox died over Christmas. Yes it was. Because had it not, I wouldn't have found myself at a gaming loose end, and returning to my poor neglected Wii, and downloading what some have called "one of the best games of the year".

And indeed it is one of the best games of last year, and another fine example of downloadable goodness from the Wii shopping channel. It's certainly tops the previous pinnacle, the charming but airy Lostwinds. So come with me, to the wonderful World of Goo..

World of Goo is not a typical game, but you may be forgiven for thinking otherwise after a cursory exam. It's essentially a puzzle game where you have to get balls of goo from point A to the safety of a pipe exit, or point B, if you will. This is achieved by building goo structures along which the rest of your sticky minions crawl until the pipe is in reach, and remaining goo's are sucked to safety. Sounds like a fairly straightforward puzzler no? A kind of throwaway gameplay entertaining for a while, but nothing to get too excited about? No! This game is evil! Wondrous, devilish, enchanting, maddening! So many emotions were wrung from me as I moved through the game at breakneck speed, needing to consume each level, building ever onward and up and around!

The key to the gameplay is the impeccable physics. As you pick up and drop your goo with the wii remote the structures form according to careful rules much like a meccano set. Building a bridge across a gap is a careful lesson in engineering as you'll need to support the structure in all the right places to successfully make it across. But that's just early on. After a few levels merely building bridges and towers becomes so passe, and the game throws increasingly bizarre and inventive challenges at you that will have you tearing your hair out, and looking on in wonder at the sheer ingenious-ness of it all. New types of goo are consistently introduced that broaden the possibilities of you structures, and gameplay never, ever becomes stale as a result. There is even a brilliantly witty story as your goo traverses the island, working towards the mysterious world of goo corporation who's new z-product threatens to change everything. Into 3D.



The product of a 2 man team, the creation of the game is a real wonder in itself. 2 people. Created this whole thing. Astonishing. Not only does it have spellbindingly great physics and gameplay mechanics, but the presentation is absolutely top notch. Comparisons to Tim Burton are well founded; the art direction and music invoke all kinds of Burton and Elfman nods, and manages to create, in a physics based puzzler bear in mind, a rich and coherent world. Of goo. The music is particularly wonderful, from the breathless knees-up of the Hungarian folky panic songs, to mournful techno death marches up the red carpet, the soundtrack is full of memorable and often epic scoring, that belies the fact that you're trying to get goo in a pipe. Indeed, the level of detail and charm in every aspect of the game completely belies the underlying objective. After a while, your goo is precious to you. Every one of them is a blessing to be cherished and used in only the most efficient constructions possible. We can only hope they know our thanks are with them for the sacrifice they made.

It's not an overly long game, but re playability is massive. Aside from simply wanting to re-experience all those lovely moments, the OCD challenges are infuriatingly, well, challenging. To get each of those awards, based on number of goos rescued or time and move based challenges, means absolute efficiency that demands borderline madness. OCD indeed. There is also the mysterious World of Goo Corporation area, where the total number of goo balls available relates to the number you've rescued from the game's levels, and the objective is simply to build up and up. What's up there? Nobody knows! As you climb ever higher, if online you see other people's tower heights signposted. We're all out there building our towers higher than everybody else's! Here even more than in the main game, you'll feel the panic and sting as your intricately engineered erection wavers and comes crashing down due to a poorly supported buttress.

Yes truly an astonishing piece of gaming. Brilliantly, you can play it right now if you want, as it's available on Steam for download. I think I prefer the tactile sensation of using a wiimote, but the game is equally charming on pc. For more goo-dness, check out this awesome blog some brilliant person has made.

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2009 hatez ur xboxes

So yes, it finally happened. As 2008 limped out of our lives (happy new year by the way) my poor little overworked xbox gasped, keeled over, twitched a bit and finally carked it. I couldn't quite believe it had happened - I thought it was one of those myths and legends of gaming lore that gamers tell their kids to frighten them, but it was all true and really happening. With a few days of valuable game playing holiday remaining as well. Bugger. It was Far cry 2 what done it. Clearly rendering all those pretty sunsets was too much for my Elite, which I had purposely held out for so as to avoid this situation.

Of course, I was straight on the blower to Microsoft, where a very helpful young man called Ryan with a bizarrely unidentifiable accent processed my claim. "Yes" I said. "Its the red ring." He was very comforting when I started weeping. So anyway, the claim is processed quick smart, and in a matter of days, UPS turn up to pick it up. Being at my parents for Christmas of course, that was where it is to be delivered back to, and some 2 weeks later, it has just arrived back there. Fairly impressive. But I cant get it off them for another week. Sheesh. With a bit of luck they will have replaced the console, and my new rig will be home to the fabled Jasper enhanced mother board. Here's hoping eh? I'm itching to get back to GOW and the rest. What a start to the year eh?

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In space no one can hear you plagiarise

The seasonal glut of must have games is upon us, leaving many of us with difficult decisions of where to spend our hard earned cash and time. I chose to spend my Halloween in the company of the xenomorphs courtesy of Dead Space, a chilling survival horror from the team that bought you er, The Simpsons Game.

With so much quality gaming almost upon us, should Dead Space divert your attention? Well, yes, yes it should.

It's been a long time coming, a decent sci-fi horror. Possibly not since the last Aliens Vs Predator game have we had a chance for some silent screaming terror. Dead Space is very much in the mould of an Alien spin off, set as it is aboard a monstrous "planet cracker" class spaceship, not called the Nostromo, that you arrive to fix having received the obligatory distress call. You are Isaac Clarke, mute engineer extraordinaire with a snazzy line in exoskeleton work suits and a girlfriend somewhere on the spooky ghost ship, which after crashing on, disabling your ship (natch) you set about fixing up to try and survive. For you see, the ship has gone quiet not due to a blown fuse, but because of a ship wide invasion of murderous abominations, the necromorphs, who have a habit on jumping on the nearest person and chomping them to sloppy gibs. For it emerges that when the miners "cracked the planet" something(s) came out, and now they're in all sorts of bother. Luckily for Isaac, as a trained engineer with a knack for wielding a plasma cutter, these horrible creatures' weakness is not a grenade up the nose. The obligatory "message scrawled in blood on the wall above a grisly corpse in a pool of blood and guts" informs us, "cut off their limbs!" Lop off a leg or an arm and they'll stop coming. Go for the head or body and its a different story.

What follows is a deeply atmospheric and gore laden creep through the bowels of the ship as you are dished out missions by your two surviving team members who boss you about from their safe hideyholes they've found themselves, and set about dismembering the army of ungodly horrors. The ship itself is the star of the show here, as you move through tight corridors that never feel generic or forced, but functional. These connect to key destinations where some feat of engineering is usually required to ensure the ships' and your, continued survival. These areas are some of the most impressive locales of recent memory, on a grand scale unexpected after the claustrophobia of the tunnels and lift shafts. These sections also typically make use of the cleverly implemented use of gravity; zero-g areas feature corpses and junk floating about in a (I imagine) tremendously realistic way. The necromorphs have no problem flying about in this state however, and are just as likely to leap on your head out of nowhere as in normal gravity. Likewise you are able to fly about the place and walk about the place Space Odyssey style, thanks to your magnetic boots. Aim at a distant ceiling and marvel as you fly across the expanse to gracefully touch down the right way up. It's a dizzyingly fun experience.

The mood of the game generally however is resolutely dreadful. That's a good thing remember. Fear pervades these halls, stalking you like a hungry mutant, and Redwood Falls play every trick in the book to make you jump. These are not always entirely successful, it's so easy to miss your cues after all, but generally the scares come thick and fast with rarely the same jump delivered twice. Praise has been showered on the soundtrack in particular, and rightly so. The sound design is brilliantly realised, with naturalistic and unnerving bump in the night effects that caused me to press pause and remove my headphones to listen on several occasions. The Ishimura creaks and groans. Sound in a vacuum is reduced to muffled thumping footsteps and your shrill breath as your oxygen ticks down. The necromorphs shriek and roar as they attack. Excellent stuff.

Your arsenal is similarly correct, being full of tools and slicey things. The saw blade that suspends itself in front of you to allow strategic carving of creatures is a particular favourite, and each gun comes with an alternate firing mode. Each one takes some getting used to to find the best way to use it effectively. Combat is best approached systematically, one limb at a time, and this can become a huge feat of prioritising later on when you're being attacked from all sides. Gunning and running becomes a panic inducing necessity, and when the strobes kick in and creatures are bursting though the walls, it can be hard to keep cool. Luckily your stasis module allows a limited slowdown of creatures (or fast machinery) to buy you some time, but the small energy bar it relies on means just a few burst before you're on your own again. Likewise, ammo is scarce enough to keep you in a perpetual state of dread, so you may want to make use of various exploding tea flasks dotted about the place which you can manipulate with your kinetic module (gravity gun) into the faces of unsuspecting beasties. The interaction of these two add-ons and your expansive arsenal makes for a variety of approaches, but remember, there is a tool for every job. The presentation of your various gubbins is also worth a mention; to keep you in Isaac's shoes there is no HUD - every part of your various menus and gauges are represented in game. Health is displayed as your glowing spine, inventories and video messages are projected in front of you. It's a slick and considered approach that is generally successful, although some camera issues can rear their head when you least need them to.

The creatures themselves are a diverse bunch and come in distinct flavours and classes from fast and lethal to small and swarmy, they can inspire serious shivers. Should they get too close, each has a series of attack animations where you must button mash to prevent dismemberment, but it's often entertaining to marvel at the horrifically inventive ways Isaac meets his demise. I was shocked by the Thing style head on tentacles that leapt onto my shoulders, knocked my own head off only to replace it with itself, pushing its tentacles into my chugging neck and lumbering off with my body, as the screen fades out resident evil style. There are too the occasional boss fights, and a few other pace breakers - and while a somewhat welcome change from the norm, these sections aren't as fun as they imagine, but do keep the gameplay from stagnating nicely.

That Dead Space is so obviously influenced by other games and films isn't an issue. Of course this has all been seen somewhere before. The quality of the execution goes a long way to excuse apparent unoriginality, and only the good stuff has been retained. Add in the interaction of all these diverse elements, and the game never feels unoriginal to play. In truth, only the hammy script lets it down in any real sense, and various revelations that come to light really aren't revelatory, and the plot that emerges is full of cliches of mad scientists and religious cultism and conspiracy.

Despite the ham and cheese, so well polished and tightly orchestrated as an experience, Dead Space asserts itself as one of the finest videogame lessons in horror yet, and while it might not keep you up at night pondering the plot, you may need to keep the light on for a while anyway.

Treehouse Rating

8.9

Horrible

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Lost in Translation?

So, when I was in Italy recently as I mentioned, I went to see the Dark Knight (again). I haven't written a review for it yet, so moved was I by it's brilliance, but I probably will soon, once I've watched it again and again and again. But not, I might add, in Italian. I've always thought it a little strange but Italy gets all its films dubbed. All of them. There's no provision for, because there's simply no interest in, watching a subtitled movie.
That. Is. Mental. Right?

I had this discussion with my Italian flatmate many times, and she said most people just don't want to read a film. But I cried, that means that you don't even know what any of the hollywood greats sound like. You've never heard Pacino rant? You've never swam in McKellen's throaty stew? You've never err, basked in oh I don't know, Meryl Streep's chocolatey fondue? It's insanity! The really odd thing of course, is that there is a version of these actors in every territory. An Italian Christian Bale. A French Michael Caine. And these aural dopplegangers get all the work their Hollywood progenitor instigates. How bizarre. What's worse, because familiarity breeds love before contempt, my flat mate said she, and these mysterious "most people", preferred the Italian versions before she moved to the UK, and now has to put up with these third rate "real" voices. Wrong. While I now know she was generalising horribly concerning her fellow countrymen's cinematic tastes as the video over the break demonstrates, it raises an interesting point..

I personally,wouldn't dream of watching even a Miyazaki film dubbed, and they're just (!) cartoons! Is this just a case of me being some kind of film snob, or is this a real issue? I refuse to believe it's just me. Cinema, if anything is a fusion of vision and sound (so sayeth David Lynch) and words are a fairly integral part of sound I would maintain. And while TDK retained its brooding glory, the Joker amongst others simply didn't work. So much is lost from the performance, I almost felt sorry for Italy. But then would the nuances of the performance truly be retained to the non English speaking ear with the original voice? Am I really getting the whole Dae-Su Oh story in Old Boy just because I'm listening to Min-sik Choi's voice and reading his words? Is this something I just can't comprehend because I'm English and so are most of the movies I watch? Is the following really a better option than dubbing?

I say, yes of course it is, don't be stupid. But I'm conscious there are other people in the world prone to opinions of their own. So tell me, do you people like subtitles in movies or does what you don't know not hurt you?

You heard me.

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Flip Vids propagate internet detritus shocker

Cameras! Everywhere! Living in London, its not unusual, they're a part of life here and go largely unnoticed. We don't really see them as an infringement of our human existence and right to privacy, cos we're simply not doing anything interesting enough to want to watch, and if we are, we should expect to be watched. Except in the cinema, that's wrong. But what is also wrong is the sheer size of the cameras deployed amongst our friends and loved one these days. They're soo tiny wee and dainty, we don't stand a chance. Our friends are supposed to be just that, but nowadays we can't drink 18 pints and be sick at the back of the pub without someone sticking a tiny bond-esque spycam up our noses faster than you can say facebook. Before you know it, all our exes are sitting round together, having amusing picture evenings and laughing gaily while drinking chablis and reminiscing about what a drunken and unphotogenic twerp you really were.

Well it's only going to get worse, so get used to it. Photos are so passe, its all about the vidz now. As the tech continues to improve, we'll get that technicolour yawn in glorious slow-mo hi def, and eventually in 3-D. Now there's something to look forward to.

Anyway, flipvids are a cheap and nasty pocket cam thing that feels like it came out of a cracker, and in no way alludes to the bright futuristic technology we can look forward to years from now. But we did have a play with one and made a stupid vid, so enjoy! Do please comment on the youtube page, I got my first and it warmed my heart with it's youtuberiness.

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Braid takes you back

Well gosh it's been a while, what a busy time, so much to do so little time. So many films, so many games it's hard to know where to put ones brain. But I also spent some serious downtime by a lake which prohibited any kind of media consumption. Well apart from the ipod and ds, but hey it's not frickin punishment. Oh and I saw the Dark Knight in Italian which will now be forever known as Il Cavaliere Uscomo. Cool. Anyway, more about that later, I'm easing myself back into the chilly blog waters with this little post about Braid, so lets go..!

So Braid is another of these whizzy Xbox live jobs, which I'm getting more and more enthusiastic for these days. Although it may sound like an 80's scrolling shooter, this one is in fact a platform based puzzle game - the platforming you'll quickly discover is purely incidental since you can rewind time a la Prince of Persia (new fangled ones oldies) to undo horrendously timed jumps. The puzzling is compelling and at times downright baffling. I'm not sure I could remember how I solved many of the puzzles if I went back to it now, but the speedrun is calling the achievement whore in me a pussy so I may have to go back soon. While you can rewind time as much as you like, the puzzles are based around your manipulation of it, and the fact that various objects and creatures are affected by time in different ways. In fact, it's more complex than that as each of the new levels brings with it a different temporal conundrum - the one where everything in the level moves forward in time as you move right, and backwards as you move left is a doozie. My brain fell out. So as you manipulate time, and work out how to open the door you opened earlier with the key you used on that other door but can still use again because if you play it back quick enough you still have the key, you collect pieces of jigsaw puzzles that build the pictures adorning the walls of your hub home. So it's Mario meets Portal meets Prince of Persia meets Banjo Kazooie. Kinda. It's closest to Portal in terms of the warm little glow you'll feel when you finally grab that piece of the puzzle that moments earlier you swore blind on your mother's grave god rest her it is absolutely impossible to reach my copy of this shitty game is broken.

The best thing about Braid though iiis the graphics? No. Sorry, they're pretty and all, a forever shifting impressionist landscape for a background upon which crudely drawn sprites gambol and play that works beautifully, but it's the soundtrack the really brings them all to life. Cheery folk music played backwards has a wonderfully melancholy edge to it, an emotion that permeates the world from the heroes glum expression to the appallingly written "plot", which is the only real downpoint to the game - it reads like a goth teenagers angsty diary and is supposed to give some kind of context to the proceedings, but it would have been best left abstract. Imagine the mystery that would have engulfed teh nets if none of that had been present? What does it mean? What do the pictures signify?? We would be hailing the first Lynchian masterpiece of videogaming, a truly artistic and meaningful experience. As it is, you're left thinking seriously dude, man up, no wonder you can't get laid. The (admittedly brilliant) ending makes a lot of sense, she had clearly read your whiny little blog.

The awful writing however cannot ruin what is fundamentally a classy little game. Kinda pricey at 800 points considering how short it ultimately is, but while it lasts it's a joy. The demo is fairly substantial and certainly enough to work out if this is your kind of thing. My guess is it will be.

Update - humm, apparently it turns out its all about nuclear bombs. Whodathunkit? Guess the writing is more abstract than I thought. It's still bad though.

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..and he saw that it was good.

In between all the great, good and frighteningly bad films I've been watching, I've still found time to play me games. That's all changed now, as I've found something better, but it's not quite a game.. yet. Spore has been a constant presence in gaming culture for aaages, but never really penetrated my consciousness until now. The game itself looks set to be a complex resource management affair, not really my cup of tea so I thought, but an afternoon with the recently released Creature Creator has changed all that. I've been meaning to download it for a while, but had not been busy enough. For it is only when procrastinating fiercely that one can truly waste some serious time doing something so marvelously pointless. A free, and small download, and you are given a beautifully implemented construction kit of life to fashion and shape your animal into whatever you see fit, then have them dance for your amusement. Youtube is of course full of dancing penises. The free trial contains only 25% of the full creator (which is fiver to buy), and in itself provides a dizzying range of possibilities. Mii channel eat your heart out. So come with me now, and behold my menagerie..

This here is Toothy. He has a face where his genitals should be. I agree, not a good start. He is dancing with his similarly freakish offspring. No explanation is given as to how a creature with a face for genitals has an offspring.

Ah this is more like it, Flapdoodle. He's a happy little fellow with tiny wings, huge ears and a permanent look of surprise. He is also bright purple to protect him from predators.

Predators like this fearsome looking chap. This is Creeple. He's quite friendly really, I just took a picture after making him angry by pressing the angry button. He may play American football. See how it looks like he has one of those old helmets on? Never mind.

This is Spryco. I think I was going for a play on Spyro, although I'm not sure why. Anyway, he's a highly generic lizard type, but has a lovingly crafted spine.

Another ugly one, this is Grimball. He is quite grim when he's scuttling about, but I think he needs a better name. Scuttler perhaps? He has a rather nice paintjob.

Not a great picture, but that's probably for the best, this is a Long Haired Ballgrin, so called because of his flowing hair and prominent balls. The hair is flowing from his bottom. My most obscene creation thus far.

This is Phuckeduck. He is a pun. A fairly bad one too. Breaks my heart, cos he's an ugly little fucker, and all the more sad for it. How depressing.

This is Sparky, another poorly named exhibit. Again, It's a shame, cos I think I've really captured the surprise a shark might feel given legs and placed on dry land, and he is almost certainly deserving of a better name. Any ideas?

And finally, my favourite, Plootle. Look at that face! Look at that colour! Did you ever see as handsome a bug as he? So bright eyed and full of wonder. And to see him dance, oh! He's far superior to that fat german in a Bug's Life.

So thats it, if you're still here, thanks for reading, I will probably do a creature update again, possibly not as extensively unless I've got some real wonders to show off. That's if I don't get bored of creating. But it looks like I may have to actually buy the damn game as I need more antennae. Why are you still here anyway, don't you have some life to fashion?

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But nothing's happening?

Mindful as I am of this blog becoming a dedicated movie blog, which was never my intention, I must say a few words on M Night Shyamalan's "The Happening" which I was lucky enough to see recently. Luck is of course, a relative notion, but optimistic soul as I am, I do indeed consider myself lucky to have seen it, relative perhaps to someone who has no eyes, or perhaps less politically incorrectly, someone who had to, say, organise the dubbing on the Italian version, who probably had to watch it several times and had to relate every abysmal word of the god awful script into something that made sense in another language. And though mine is but the tiny voice of a humble blogger, I'll add it to the cacophony that wish ill upon SHAMayalan, and cheer that he may be stripped of his fortunes, and chased through the streets like a convicted kitten drowner. No, this isn't a review. This is catharsis.

A lot of people might start their bashing with "Now I'm not a M Night Shyamalan hater but..". Well, let's be clear, I am. I think the man is a joke. The Sixth Sense is a film buoyed only by its exceptional performances and a half decent twist (he's a ghost). The actual story on closer inspection makes little sense. Everything else he's ever made is turd. Signs? Turd. The Village. Boring turd. Unbreakable. Turd sandwich. I haven't even seen Lady in the water which I hear is so turd I can't even bring myself to sit through it. "So why watch something if you're just going to hate it" you cry. Well, because I like films, so if I'm going to have an informed opinion, it helps to watch it. If he were to turn in a good film, I'd report back a good review. This is not opinion, this is fact. In all honesty I watched every frame in disbelief, that such a god awful piece of shit could possibly have been made.

So little actually happens in the Happening that it is truly undeserving of a proper review. People mysteriously start killing themselves en masse when the wind blows. Everyone is a bit spooked and get on trains/in cars. Is it terrorists? Is it the plants? Is it the script? Kill me now. Marky Mark tries to come up with a rational explanation (he's a science teacher stupid), Zooey Deschanel agonises over pudding. Everybody behaves in an unconvincing manner. The one time you'll be praying for a twist, and there isn't one. That's the twist. And then it ends. Some of the scenes, you couldn't call them set pieces, are so laughable, so pathetic, it spills over the heady amusement of car crash film and leaves you actually depressed that this no talent prick gets funding. A particularly terrifying encounter sees our heroes trying to outrun the wind for fucks sake. "stay ahead of the wind!" Marky Mark whimpers, looking over his shoulder. "here it comes!". Fuck off. Then other stuff happens so painfully pointless I really cant be bothered to summarise it. Even Shamayalan cant be bothered to make his egotistical little appearance in person this time around, as if he knew he was actually making a third rate twilight zone knock off and not a film at all. For a rundown of the quality of the writing checkout cracked.com , who have an abridged and startlingly accurate script for you.



Having dabbled in acting myself I quickly learned, when you, as an actor, do good, its your performance. When you do bad, it the director's. And that's because the director has perspective on what you're doing, he or she can see the big picture, and whether you have achieved the emotional payoff the scene or line requires. Here, Shyamalan has extracted some of the most appalling performances ever committed to celluloid, and it is entirely his fault. We know these people can act, I've seen them do it. At one point I assumed their flat delivery and painful absence of emotion would turn out to be integral to the plot; they're all lobotomized zombie aliens perhaps? They're not. No, their interaction is by turns baffling, awkward and ultimately, entirely fake. Every line is an embarrassment. Every sentiment is broken. Each attempt at humour will puzzle you. Every attempt at horror will make you laugh. Every second of every scene is a waste of your time. Never have I seen such a misguided attempt at film making. Maybe it's all actually an experimental attempt at making a film so bad, people will go to see it just to see if it's true how bad it is?

But no, Shamster simply isn't that smart. The man is a fraud and a charlatan, depriving other talents of badly needed funding and attention, and who actually believes he is making good movies. Click here for a taste of the terror, introduced by the man himself. And yes, you did just hear him compare his turd to the Godfather and the Birds. Is there a petition to forbid him from ever making another film? Sign me up.


Its not a proper review, but here's the score anyway.

Verdict 1/5

He gets 1 for the damage he's done himself. Good show!

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