Quick Czech In

Ok ok so Niko isn't remotely Czech but it was an easy pun and I'm very tired. Since GTA came out I've literally had no time for anything. Also the real world is conspiring against me to do it's darndest to keep me away from Liberty City, so updates and impressions have been impossible. Put it this way, after a mega shit-ton of playing, I'm on about 49%. This thing is huuuge. Hit the jump for a mini adventure..

So then, as time is short, a micro impression if you will, one of the standout moments for me in a game composed of standout moments. I have just unlocked the 2nd island Algonquin, or Manhattan, and after a few errands set about a proper explore. To allow myself full appreciation of the scenery I hail a cab and take it slow down past Middle (Central) Park and through Star Junction (Time Square, really must I explain everything?). As I pass the park it's raining. The sky is dark and threatening, pedestrians are running, umbrellas are up. But the rain eases as I approach the bright lights of the square and the radio starts to play the dramatic Philip Glass track featured in the original trailer. I didn't know it was Philip Glass previously mind, but I call "Zit", the track ID service from my (in game) phone as it had been bothering me what it was. Thus enlightened by the return text, I marvel at the spectacle of the city from the backseat of the cab as it nudges through the busy traffic, sky scrapers dripping neon, towering overhead, and the now dazzling setting sun throws down shafts of orange hazy light between the reaching towers. My (in game) phone starts ringing. It's my pesky cousin, probably wants to go bowling. I press reject, I'm enjoying the moment too much. I'll call him back later. Then it occurs to me. Jaysus what kind of game is this anyway? The existential crisis quickly passes however and I reach my destination, then go and buy a new suit and give a beggar some money. Unfortunately, I also happen to be reading American Psycho at the moment, and what happens next is ugly.

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The Hobbit 2: The Hobbitses?

Mixed feelings on the recent announcement that Guillermo Del Toro is to head up two new Hobbit movies. On the one hand, awesome. He is clearly an excellent choice, a standout talent in the tricky fantastical genre, a proven and worthy facilitator of both small, intimate emotion and huge, ball busting action. Who better to lead us through Mirkwood and Gollum's cave, and up to Smaug's lair and that battle no-one remembers? I think we've all missed Middle Earth, just a little bit. What a happy series of Christmases those were, as we saw our favourite midgets play out their merry English tales of bravery and rambling. So what's the problem, win all round no? Well, the only bone to stick in my gullet, and it's potentially a biggie, is why the two films?


The narrative of the Hobbit is plenty sufficient for one movie alone and much as I love that fair land, and want to visit it as much as I can, is there really any need to "deal with the 60-year period between “The Hobbit” and “The Fellowship of the Ring"? Surely any new addition to the mythology is destined to inferiority and embarrassment? I haven't read the Children of Huatever, in much the same way as I didn't read books from the Star Wars "universe"; they ain't canon buddy, take 'em outside. No, to me this in fact whiffs of corporate greed, and is pretty much up there with the whole Harry Potter split film saga which I thankfully don't care enough about to link to. Damn.

Well I just hope this is not allowed to damage a so far unparallelled cinematic series, and that Del Toro and Jackson can keep the suits in check. At least it's two of cinema's greatest innovators adding their chapter to literature's most celebrated fantasy, and not Michael Bay. And I suppose the broad doings of that period of Middle Earth must be documented somewhere in Tolkien's sprawling writings, and we know that Jackson is nothing if not respectful. For my part, I'll try to keep my mind on the important things to be concerned about, like who they'll get to play Bilbo, and whether they'll resist the urge to have the dragon voiced by Sean Connery.

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Super Reinhardt Brother

The above clip sums up one of the many reason why I love video games, and indeed guitars. Assuming you didn't know, would you have guessed in a million years that this is the theme taken from a Nintendo game? Granted, it is beautifully realised in the Gypsy Jazz style (the original was a bit more Disney) and I have just got into that particular genre (although that is due in no small part to another recent game with an awesome soundtrack), but still it never ceases to amaze me how underrated video games are as a medium. A fusion of image, sound and interaction.. and they can make you interested in Django Reinhardt. Mind Boggling.

All that aside though, I just love to see a well played guitar, so hats off to the guitar man who spotted a great dittie and made something even better.

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Shantaram-azing!

Books. Pretty great huh? With all the competing media around these days, my reading habit has been sorely neglected. Sinful for someone who claims to like reading and writing. That aside, I just finished the book, the cover helpfully displayed to the left, and found it so enjoyable it's worth a mention on this predominantly digitally fixated blog. As with many good books I've never heard of, once read you start seeing it everywhere. Every other person on the tube seems to have a copy under their arm, inspiring knowing winks and cheerful smiles and head waggles. Except of course, your copy is hidden from sight so they just think you're a weirdo. It is also I hear, set to become a big budget epic starring Johnny Depp, so not totally out of the playhouse's realm then.

I attempted to summarise the story to a friend. I didn't do well and apparently made it sound boring. Although if you think the story of a man who escapes from an Australian prison to become a doctor in a Bombay slum, gets recruited by the local godfather as a forger and gun-runner, and eventually goes to war in Afghanistan is dull, well, you must lead a very stimulating existence. And that really is bare bones, a hundred little adventures play out between these covers. Perhaps most stunning is that it all happened. This guy is for real and another friend of mine (the one who gave me the book, thank you x) ran into him in Goa. Wowsers. Of course it is a novel - Roberts describes the experiences as real, but the characters as fictional. Fictional or not, I'll freely admit that I wept like a little girl when one of the beloved characters dies, such is the quality of their realisation. I don't think I've ever cried at a book before, and if I have, I certainly can't remember when. If you need a good lengthy, rewarding book for a holiday or whatever, check this out, it is an exceptional, beautifully crafted read. And if you haven't read a book for a while, reading helps build your vocabulary and ability to construct sentences, so you er, really like, should.

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GTA IV: heads and net to asplode

Its nearly upon us, the time when we should all down tools and Renton cold turkey style stock up on soup and buckets, nail the door shut, and get in there. With April 29th bearing down fast, the net has entered hypermode and is churning out exclusive revelations at an alarming rate. We are all excited, and must find the strength to soldier on in these difficult days, but who can resist these tantalising glimpses of the paradise that will soon be upon us? Look ye, on some of the latest seamy whiffs from behind the curtain, but put some newspaper down first eh?

• DLC is whole cities?
• Finally beat Gervais to death
• Multiplayer genius
• Awesome, awesome new tv ad
• 3 levels of whoring
• Official site update frenzy

The rumour of downloadable cities in particular is a buttock clenchingly exciting prospect, if only for the ps3 owner baiting it would facilitate. The fallout over which version is superior might be just as entertaining to watch as the game itself. Lets hope we and teh nets can survive the onslaught.

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El Orfanato Espantoso (muy)

I hadn't noticed, presumably due to a low key marketing strategy that many good films fall foul of, particularly if they're (gasp) foreign, that The Orphanage has been out for a week. I was lucky enough to see it back in October at the Fright Fest in London, and made a note to keep an eye out for when it got released predicting huge waves of mega hit-dom. Alas that appears to not be the case, I've heard very little buzz around it, despite the few claims of it being "the new Pan's Labyrinth". Which it isn't. Although, it is in Spanish. And Guillermo was, you know, like the teaboy on set or something.

What it is is a deeply creepy ghost story in a very old-school kind of way. Big creaking houses (an old-school in fact - the titular orphanage). Children with unnervingly real imaginary friends. A sinister old lady with milk bottle glasses. It's all here. Throw in some of the most genuinely jumpy moments in recent cinema, and it makes for essential viewing. I seem to remember sleeping with the lights on that night. And that never happens, cos I'm well tuff. It's ghost children. They creep me out.

So why the low profile? Could it be due to recent real world events that disturbingly mirror some of the film's themes? Or is it just cos the kids can't manage films with subtitles? Whatever, if you can find it at your local cinema I urge you to check this out, as it's probably the best horror film I've seen since the Shining.

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COD4: The new sickness

I used to be a very sick person. I used to have an illness called Counterstrike. I first contracted the disease some 10 years ago shortly before I went to university, through chance and reckless curiosity. It was virulent. I found my whole outlook on life had to change to accommodate my affliction. I couldn't go out. I stopped calling my friends. My worried parents tried everything they could to take my mind off my condition, but nothing worked. Gradually though, over time, its hold on me has abated, letting me live my life again, although right up until this year I have been susceptible to violent relapses.

Now though, just as my convalescence was going so swimmingly, I have a new sickness. It is called COD4. Contracted over christmas, this condition has all the hall marks of counterstrike. Sweating. Violent rages and swearing. Compelling gunplay. Yes its got me good. Especially with a little something called prestige mode, xp is like crack to me now, feeding my illness. Bad (good?) news is, with new strains about to be released, I may continue to be debilitated by this cancer for a lot longer. Won't someone help free me and others from this condition? No don't bother, it's part of me now. I have to live the best I can.

But to the creators of this affliction, for yes, it was created, I say this:

Dear Infinity Ward

.

Can I please have:

• 5 new custom slots
• 10 new maps
• 20 new guns (including that sweet minigun)
• 60 new perks
• 80 new attachments
• 100,000,000 new challenges. Including ones for pistols.

Thanks!

Munial

PS: would it kill you to give people credit when they down a chopper? I mean, seriously, I need more xp.

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I am Legend: Damn those misguided suits

For I assume it was such a character who put the kibosh on this alternate ending for I am Legend - spoilers ahoy of course. I really quite enjoyed the film, and it was only the ending that spoiled everything for me. I can sympathise with the filmmakers for avoiding the ending of the book, although I'm sure the cinema going public would have accepted a well adapted version of it, but this seems an(almost) happy medium. It ties up a lot of the good work the film had done earlier, like the apparent intelligence of the floppy cgi putty creatures, using dogs and setting traps etc, and just downright makes a lot more sense. You can even nearly see Smith come to some sort of "realisation", as though he were feeling an emotion that was not his.

The suits here may have fallen foul of a "reverse se7en effect", whereby after some test screening some spotty subordinate poring over the comment slips piped up with "Horror fans like a fucked up ending", and everyone nodded in agreement. While this may be true when properly used, having your hero pointlessly blow himself up with a grenade is fucked up for all the wrong reasons. Lets not even mention the cowardly u-turn, "oh its the hippie commune there's still hope crikey will smith is a legend" finale, wisely culled in this new version, which has hope, sure, but not a lot.

It seems to me that these mainstream films, which really have no excuse for being bad because they're mainstream, should be paying more attention to the integrity of the story according to the progression of its themes and characters, and spending less time ruinously changing things because some test audience "didn't get it."

Update - Warner seem to have managed to get the video taken off gametrailers, but you can still see it at First Showing.

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Would you like some salt on that?

Should you have wandered through previously, you'll know I'm less than happy with the nintendo stars for wii points implementation. So it really raises my ire to receive patronising emails pointing me to online "tutorials" explaining how to redeem my points.

"If you ever experienced any problems swapping your Stars for Wii Points in our Wii Points Card Shop, take a look at the new tutorials we implemented."

The only "problems" I ever had are that you chimps see fit to never make any points available for sale. The "tutorials" make no mention of this potential "problem". In fact, "Step 3" as it's known couldn't be simpler: "Select the wii points card you want to purchase".

Is this a wind-up?

Ninty, I love ya, but by crikey I am going to twist your goddamn nuts off in a minute..

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Iron-icly looking good

I must be getting cynical in my old age, I have become very prone to writing off movies without knowing anything about them. Unlike Indy IV though, which I deep down knew would probably be ok (pleease), Iron Man has never been on my radar. Dismissed early on with a curled lip at the prospect of Robert "Downey" Jr as a super hero. Snort! What a ridiculous proposition. Never mind the fact that he plays what? an Iron man? in a futuristic suit of armour fighting bad guys? Double snort! Thankyou no, I'm reading Balzac.

But really, once again my sensibilities prove susceptible to a tight trailer, which is what we see above. Tight I tell ya. Maybe there will be a blockbuster summer worth checking out this year.

Via Myspace

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